8 Personal Boundaries to Help You Thrive This Holiday Season.
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash
The holiday season is officially here. For some the season brings in beautiful anticipation of time with family, great food (I’m currently salivating thinking of my mother’s sweet potato pie), and pure joy. Others may be bracing themselves for a little bit of drama as they endure close proximity to family for an extended period of time, some for the first time since the beginning of the pandemic.
No matter our family dynamics, or how fondly we regard the season, the holidays can bring added stress. From the labor of cooking, cleaning and shopping, to the long days at work in preparation for time off, the holiday season can leave us completely wiped out - financially, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Here are eight practical ways that you may set personal boundaries this holiday season that will allow you to engage with those you love while also prioritizing your needs and values:
1. Set clear parameters on spending.
Consider what your limits might be with regard to purchasing food and gift items this holiday season and stick to it. Your money is like your time, if you don’t set clear limits around your funds, they seem to disappear, causing a host of potentially stressful consequences on the other side of the holidays. If you have financial goals that you’re working toward as a family, you may wish to bring the family in on this conversation too. The holidays don’t have to set you too far off financially.
Photo by Michael Longmire on Unsplash
2. Set an ending time for gatherings.
If you are the host, consider setting an ending time for some of the gatherings at your place this season. You might say something like, “My dear friends and family, just a heads up: On Friday we are planning to wind things down for the evening at 10pm so we can get ready to host you all for brunch the following day. We can’t wait to spend this time with you”! If you are traveling to the home of a friend/family member, consider a clear, predetermined departure time. You can be flexible and extend your time if you desire.
3. Outsource.
Consider whether or not you may outsource the preparation of a food item to your local grocery store or catering company this holiday season or hire a cleaning service for extra support as you prepare your home for guests. (Don’t forget about the other helping hands that may be in your home. Everyone can do a little something.)
4. Decide which topics are off limits for you.
There may be predictable, contentious topics in your family that you would rather not engage in, or very personal things you’re going through that you’re not yet prepared to talk about. What are they? Can you give your people a heads up in advance? What are you prepared to do or say should those conversations come up? You may make a request that the group refrain from certain topics (though remember in boundary work, we all have a choice) or you may choose to step away and not engage in the discussion, opting for a brief walk, or other activity, instead.
5. Decorate to your vibe.
If you want to go all out with the decorations this year, go for it! If you’re feeling overwhelmed, know that you don’t have to use every last decorative piece that you own. It’s alright if you want to scale down the décor a little to save you some time, money, or reduce some stress. Everyone else will be fine. If you have a critical family member who is likely to make a remark, think, in advance, of a positive label you can attribute to your décor this year; perhaps something like, ‘We decided to go with simple and elegant this year’.
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash
6. Create a schedule.
I know, I know, this seems counterintuitive. It’s your vacation; it’s likely also the time that you need to create a schedule most. Establishing a schedule does a couple of things: It allows you to be realistic about your time so that you can achieve all of the goals you may have; it also allows you to ensure that you have time to prioritize you. Don’t be afraid to label a block of time as ‘Rest’ with no regrets!
7. Extend your time off.
If it’s feasible, schedule, in advance, an extra day or two off of work for after your guests leave. Perhaps a bit of tidying up occupies day one, followed by rest and ease on day two.
8. Curb the self-criticism.
Give yourself some grace and compassion for things left undone. We’ve navigated nearly two years of uncertainty with the coronavirus pandemic. All that you are, and what you have to give is enough.
Well, there you have it. Eight small ways you can set boundaries this holiday season to help you thrive. Don’t forget, boundaries help us to engage with others in a way that is respectful and kind, while also caring for ourselves and honoring our needs. Without them, you are likely going to need another holiday to recover from the holiday!
Rooting for you (and me) this holiday season.
xo,
Dr. Erin